but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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