my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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