Im at strip club and am horny
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
