I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
