If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
