im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you didnt know i had herpes?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
