FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dicks are not precious.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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