Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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