he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
