He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
