dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
