Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
