4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
