ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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