dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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