I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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