just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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