...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
