i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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