How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
