her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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