We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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