Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
