I think my fart just growled at me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
