I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
