That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
