I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
