just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
