don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
