I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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