He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize