this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
