i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
