hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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