Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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