You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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