The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
