hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
