Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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