There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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