It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
