we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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