If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
