Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
