i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
