and she was petting her beer can
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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