We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
