You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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