and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
