I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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