Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
