census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
