Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
