Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
