he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
