Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize