Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
