I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
