belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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