A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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