just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wear drunk well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
