Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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