Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
