I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
