No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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