we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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