i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We were destined to go to rehab together
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize