My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
