If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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