I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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