i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
