never play flip cup with pint glasses
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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