i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
