His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
