They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't turn off my feet"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
