You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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