i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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