He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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