i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize