I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need water and some morals
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
