i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
