from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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