May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
