i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
