The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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