I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
