i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's blow job season.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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