I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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