If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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