I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
