it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
