PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
