This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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