The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We are all done wearing pants today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
