so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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