dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
