We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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