I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
