My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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