I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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