please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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