If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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