the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
