Your dad touched me again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
