it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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