Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
