I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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