JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
