I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
