There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
