i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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