We left an ass print on the piano.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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