if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
