Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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