He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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