You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
