shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
