We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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