i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This house was built for laser tag.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
